Greenmantle

Yowzer's Folks!

First of all, you made a spelling error. Well, more like you put in an extra letter. And anyway, I don't write about bike racing. Well, not that much. And I highly doubt that I'll be going to Aspen. How's this for Coke? See? I mentioned it. The problem is that there isn't much of a storyline to build around a soda. I mean, you can talk about it once, but after that it does get slightly boring. Sports is dynamic. It seems that Doug Mientkiewicz will not be leaving our fair cities anytime soon. Too bad. He's a great 1B, but .238? What a joke! Of course I would love to see Coskie go, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen soon.
bye

Sweet Sweep

I hate the Umpires. On the other hand, we did win the game, so'll let it go. Sice anyone can read the box scores, I won't write about the game, just my impressions on it. The White Sox are over-rated. Really, I can't believe that a major league team can play the way they did in the seventh. It was really just disgrceful. Much like the way the game was called. Anyway, regardless, we are now at the high-water mark of the season, being 13 games above .500. Funny, the Saints aare at their high-water mark, and they're 20 games above .500. Very strange all round. Well, hope you all have a good night,
bye

Poor baby :(

Man, don't you fell like going Argentina for Johan Santana? Only six innings and as many Ks? Well, I'm sure he'll take the win any day. And what a nice win at that. The stat that really stood out for me was that Corey Koskie went 0 for 1. Nothing surprising in that. He's gone 0fer a lot this season. No, what surprised me was that he got hit by a pitch three times. And that, by the way, is good enough for major league record. Or tie for one anyway.
The Saints also won, which is cute. Well, have a good night, I almost certainly probably will. Bye

Obsequious

It's nice to see that at least someone is reading my entries. I'll repond in the order that they appeared in my inbox. Scratch that, I'll do them in the ordr of the entries on which they comment. Here goes: I'm not quite sure why only this little part was mentioned, but I would like to say that we aren't actually in Milwaukee right now. And I believe that Rubashkin's makes brats, but I'm not sure. Okay, here's the comment on 379: I try to be as good to as many people as possible. Don't worry though, I'm not adding lumberjacking onto my blog. I'm too afraid of a tree falling down on me. I like the fruit though. Apple's are my favorite one's of those.
And finally, #380: I agree, of course, but I do like to be PC. And I won't be here in Minnesota, ha ha ha, but maybe I'll visit to see what I'm not missing.
In sports, the Twins built a 1.5 game lead in the Central with a nice 6-2 win. 5 days ago, I wrote that we wouldn't call on Blanco or Rivas till the ALCS. Well, I would like to retract. Blanco went 2 for 3 with a game winning 2 run homer and a SF while Rivas, taking over for an injured Nick Punto, went 2 for 4 with a double and a stolen base. Very nice all round I'd say. Some people are indicating that Joe Nathan picked up his 28th save, but I don't believe that this is true. He had a 4 run lead, though I do admit that he gave up a hit, so maybe that's why he got one. In fact, the Twin's boxscore shows that he didn't record one, though the CBS Sportsline score insists that he did. Who cares? We won, and that's all that really matters.
The Saints won a wild game 15-10, and to my certain knowledge at least 3 of those were walked or HBP'ed in with two outs. Well, man can't live on pitching alone.
Bye

Nice

So Lance won. Very nice. There is just one problem. There are a couple of things that signal the end of summer. First comes the end of the Tour de France. Then NFL training camps open. The PGA Championshiop usually follows soon after, and of course rounding it all off is the US Open. Speaking of teenis, it's nice to see that Andy Roddick won today. With Andre Agassi basically out of the running for now I think the time has come for me to switch allegiance to Andy. I'll still go for Andre, all the way until he retires, but now I'll have a at least a couple second-toughts when the two face each other, hopefully in an Open Final. In baseball, the Twins rebounded from a tough loss Saturday by beating up on the Orioles 8-4. It was a lot closer then that, even if the final score doesn't seem like it. I just mean the whole tempo of the game. We basically blew a 6-0 lead. Well, we won, and that, after all, is what counts. Well, have a good night, bye

Okay

Well, only one team/person I was following won today, buth that's all right. As you probably know, Lance won the nineteenth stage and is going to win tommorow. Everybody else lost though, which means that the Twins are now a half game back. Don't worry, there's always tommorow. I hope.

Ugh!

Well, even though we won, there is stilla bitter taste in my mouth. Juan Rincon, who had been our second best reliever this year gave up four runs without getting an out and cost Johan Santana a win. Jerk. Still though, at least we showed some resiliency. Everybody is talking baout how amazing Joe Nathan has been, but personally, I preferred Eddie Guardado. The stadium was energized when he came in, and he really made those close games lots of fun. I miss him, but Nathan has done a fine job.
Well, seeing as there's been no reaction from the crowd I won't write anything more. bye

No go, but win all the same

So I was going to go to the game, in fact I had tickets, but I couldn't. That's right, seems some people feel embarassed in front of a good-looking guy like me. Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. I know I'm a hot dude, but I would like it if these people could be embarassed somewhere else. Well, it really doesn't matter, 'cause the Twins won. It was looking bad for a while, but they scored 12 runs, and Radke, who has now given up a lead-off homer in 3 straight starts survived to pitch for 7 innings and just give up 2 runs total. Overall a nice offensive day. Now Blanco and Rivas can go back to sleep, we'll probably call on them in the ALCS to deliver, and they probably will. Just no big hits until then. Trust me on this one.
You wan some more tips from me? How about the ten things that your teenage son wishes he could tell you but probably won't because not only are you not his parent but he is not your son. Deep, eh? Well, here goes:
1. He needs more cash. Actually, he's probably told you that already.
2. Did I mention cash? Give him some more; trust me, he deserves it. Especially after the way you treat him, you filthy vagabond. But I digress.
3. Show him a little love. This one's obvious.
4. Don't object to his girl-friend. Your husband's inlaws thought the same things about you too.
5. Give him some food. He'l enjoy it.
6. Don't make him eat the food if he doens't want to.
7. Don't make a fool of him in front of his friends.
8. Of course, if you do, mention something about adoption. His girl-friend will really dig it. Trust me.
9. Keep your other brats (children) out of his site while other people are on it. Website I mean. Well, you should have gotten that anyway. Sight is spelled like that. Duh.
10. Of course, feel free to break any of these rules. Just don't be mad when he goes into prison for smoking marijuana. Which really isn't that bad, I suppose. Oh well, parents know best.
Yeah right.
bye

Doggy gets his biscuit

On Sunday night Grant Balfour was horrific. Tonight he was beautific. Yes, that is a real world. He pitched 3 innings of shutout ball and got the win as the Twins won 5-4 in 10 innings. By the way, contrary to the Twins announcer's beliefs, his name is pronounced Bowfour. Hence the dog reference. JJ hit his 100th career homer, he also had the game winning SF. In any other park that too would have been a homer, but then of course Joe Nathan wouldn't have gotten a save. Oh well, alls well that ends well. Meanwhile, the White Sox lost, and that means that we are back in first place. Sweet, huh? As bad we've played we still have a chance in this rancid division of ours. Lance won today's stage and it seems like all is basically lost for everyone. Ñow what he has to do is build a massive lead in tommorow's individual time trials. Time for some love tips? I don't think so, at least not with Rabbi reading. I hope. I mean I hope that he's reading. If he isn't then he's disobeying an explicit order from Moi. There's nothing I would do about it of course, but the fact remains that it is out there for your perusal. "Huh?" you say? Me too. bye

Terry Triumphs!

So, Twins pitcher Terry Mulholland has done something only two other pitcher shad done before him. He has beaten all 30 major league teams. He's a little old, though. That win versus the Giants? At the Polo Grounds in New York. The A's were still in Philadelphia when he beat them. The Dodgers played at Ebbets Field, while baseball was decrying the Braves move from Boston to Milwaukee. Seriously though, he's only 41. Heck, I saw Jesse Orosco pitch, and he was 46 at the time. Regardless of age, Terry pitched a masterpiece, and for the second night in a row Jose Offerman was the hero on offense. Unfortunately, Joe Mauer is back on the DL. Looks like he won't be catching anytime soon. Seeing as my guides to dating and sleeping ahve gone so well, (though not necessarily in that order) I won't provide another to-ten list. Bye

Preposterous!

I refuse to mention the (silence). Actually, that isn't how that sound went. It was more like _______. Yeah, that's more like it. The Saints and Brewers won though, and thta is of course kind of cute. Lance took a day off. The White Sox got better and still lost. todd Hamilton won the British Open. I had mixed feelings about him winning. On the one hand, I wanted him to win for all the standard reasons. You know, tour rookie at 38, never won anything big before, exiled to Asis for most of his life, etc. On the other hand, Ernie is South African. I happen to like South Africans. Oh well, you can't win 'em all. For the (silence) _______ of course, it's a struggle to just win some. So I see that my dating tips were popular, so I'll give you something new to ponder. Presenting, for the first time ever, G. Mantle's guide to extraordinary sleeping! 1. Get into bed. 2. Place head on pillow. 3. Place covers on body. 4. Turn off light. 5. Turn on light. 6. Take covers off body. 7. Get out of bed. 8. Stop clutching pillow to head, you're suffocating yourself. 9. Go into bathroom and brush teeth. 10. You know what? If you're so dumb as to need these instructions, go suffocate yourself.

Sir Lancealot

I'm sure that this particularl title has been written previously with reference to HRM Lance the 1st, but what do I care? All that matters is that the guy is just 22 seconds behind. Sweet. The Twins also finally won a game, but I won't jinx them by writing about it. The Saints won too. Good for them. Unfortunately the White Sox won, but hopefully Oakland can get the business done tommorow. So now that I've got the sports section done here, how about the comics? No? Oh, all right, I'll give you what you want, Harriet's dating advice. Really. That actually is a column in the Pioneer Press. So what's G. Mantle's dating advice? Don't do it. If you must, of course, then there are a few simple (10) guidelines that you should follow. 1. Never stare. Your mother always told you that it wasn't polite and she was right. 2. Don't talk about politics, sports, or eating habits. You'll end the date pretty quickly that way. 3. Don't reference obscure '80s rock bands to impress. The other person will start talking about obscure '80s rock bands and you'll look like a fool. 4. I your date references obscure '80s rock bands don't respond in kind. 5. Shower first. People don't like smelling last night's BBQ. 6. Pay for food. It makes the other person feel cheap and indebted to you. 7. Don't watch the TV behind the person's head or to the right or left or whatever. 8. Make sure to blink at a normal rate. 9. Women should not drink diet drinks. Thin men should. 10. And most importantly, remember to just (not) have fun. bye

Sir Lancealot

I'm sure that this particularl title has been written previously with reference to HRM Lance the 1st, but what do I care? All that matters is that the guy is just 22 seconds behind. Sweet. The Twins also finally won a game, but I won't jinx them by writing about it. The Saints won too. Good for them. Unfortunately the White Sox won, but hopefully Oakland can get the business done tommorow.
So now that I've got the sports section done here, how about the comics? No? Oh, all right, I'll give you what you want, Harriet's dating advice. Really. That actually is a column in the Pioneer Press. So what's G. Mantle's dating advice? Don't do it. If you must, of course, then there are a few simple (10) guidelines that you should follow.
1. Never stare. Your mother always told you that it wasn't polite and she was right.
2. Don't talk about politics, sports, or eating habits. You'll end the date pretty quickly that way.
3. Don't reference obscure '80s rock bands to impress. The other person will start talking about obscure '80s rock bands and you'll look like a fool.
4. I your date references obscure '80s rock bands don't respond in kind.
5. Shower first. People don't like smelling last night's BBQ.
6. Pay for food. It makes the other person feel cheap and indebted to you.
7. Don't watch the TV behind the person's head or to the right or left or whatever.
8. Make sure to blink at a normal rate.
9. Women should not drink diet drinks. Thin men should.
10. And most importantly, remember to just (not) have fun.
bye

And Finally... The Lance Advance

So Lance finally gets cracking. Beautiful. It is amazing how four minutes in this tour can just slip by so quickly. People who aren't into cycling, like me, figured that it was just a matter of time. People who have no idea about cycling, like most Americans, had no idea how Lance was ever going to make it up. But he did. He is now in second place and the loser ahead of him better watch out, because Lance is on the march. His two main rivals, Jan Ullrich and Tyler Hamilton, also lost big today, and so hopefully Lance can continue and go on and win this baby. Well, amybe I'll write more later. And then again, maybe I won't. I'm sure that you'll enjoy the suspense. bye

Hi there

Bye there

Nasty

Well, the Twins got Shannon Stewart back, and it looked like they'd have their full limeup for the first time since the first game of the season. No luck. Guzzie was out because he had minor surgeryon his nose. That's right, his nose. I fail to see why he couldn't play. It's not like you get an automatic BB for smelling the ball blindfolded abd then telling the umpire what flavor it is. Joe Mauer is out cause his knee hurts. Typical. Just when we needed a hit to break the game wide open he hurts himself. And Doug, man oh man, he gets three days off, and look what happens, he gets injured. That's right folks, make room for Dougie Baseball on the DL. Those two letters, when put together, are the wort couple in the English language. Well, besides "Hi" from your ex. The Saints did win, which I guess is kind of nice. The White Sox are losing, but they have the tying run at the plate. Jerks. bye

Number 800

Andre finally got his eight hundreth win today, as he beat up on some Russian guy. I mean I'm asusming he's Russian. With a name like Alex Bogomolov how could he not be? Regardless of his nationality, he lost, and that's what counts. Meanwhile, Joe Nathan, the Twins only all-star, pithced a perfect inning and struck out 2 batters. Nice. The AL won 9-4. Want to hear something crazy? No? Well I'll tell you anyway. Ha. So my sister and a friend are camping out at IKEA for the second night. Why? To get a $100 chair. Pilots often fly for the $100 dollar hamburger: meaning they pay a lot for gas, and maybe the plane rental, and they fly to some hick airport and buy a burger. Well, my sister hasn't moved from that IKEA parking lot since last night. They have a nice space there too. I visited today for about 6 hours. My job for them was to do errands. See, I couldn't get a chair, for some evil and sadistic reason. (email me, or post something on here to find out why) so I wandered around the Mall of America for hours looking for a store that sold DVD players. I found 'em, but the return policies weren't too great for electronics. So they are there now, and let me tell you, there are some strange people lined up with 'em. There's a non-Jewish goy from Tzefas who weighs about three hundred pounds, chain smokes, and virtually keeps Kosher. Oh, on that food thing, all the people there got lots of it free from retailers in the mall. IKEA also was giving out Tzotchkes, like little foam IKEA houses, Swedish flags, blue and yellow glow-in-the-dark wands, and other stuff. I would have stayed, and slept the night, but there's that little problem of Tznius. Man, this religion is just so restrictive. Well, have a good night, bye

No news is good news, eh?

Not much. So bye

Uh, Huh?

Yeah man, okay. What in the world are you taling about? Now, I was just talking about the "other" family files which I guess is actually 2265, or something like that. Okay, got that taken care of. Problem is, what is this great fight of which you speak? The one against man's base instincts? I mean I figure that that is what other is talking about, but really, who knows? Plues, does other have spell check? Just checking. Well anyway, I don't mean to change subjects, so I won't. I'll write more later, bye

OY OY OY

Man, what a waste. It's kind of funny, but the same proportion that I spent on the Twins game was also the amount of hits in the game. I spent 20, and other spent 50. The Twins had 5 hits, the Tigers had 2 hits. All 12 runs of the Tigers came on home runs. That is just sickening. Johan Santana threw one bad pitch, and look what it got him. This was the second time that the Tigers shut out the Twins at home this season. Twins pitchers retired the final 21 batters that they faced. If JJ had only hit his double when the Twins had men on 1B and 2B with no one out I would be a lot happier. Both runs would have scored and I would right now be writing about the great pitching performance by Johan Santana and how he really deserved this win. Instead, this is the second time in three starts that Johan has pitched 8 innings, given up two runs, struck out +10, and still lost. Joe Mauer is really tall. He also pulls the ball to the right side a lot. He was out three times today by the hand of the second baseman. He also plays great defense. Christian Guzman made up for a bad day offensively with a great over the head catch on a sinking liner in the outfield in the eighth. This was the second game in a row where the Twins out hit the Tigers. Overall, this would have been an enjoyable game if the Twins had won. Some people appreciate a great game even if they lose. Personally, I would rather see a game played badly by both sides then a crisp and beautiful game. This game certainly was crisp, just 2 hours and 8 minutes. Actually, the best part was the softball game before which TC won 7 to 4. At least there was a little offense in there. As I was saying though, I can't appreciate a loss. Really, it all feels like a total waste of time and money. And now we won't even get another game until Thursday. And there's no Tour de France tommorow. Or Saints action. Who will I support? I have no idea. Well, how about a little love? Just kidding. Well, not really. So had a little conversation before the game with other about someone. I said something that really shocked other about someone. So perhaps I should explain. I have absolutely no chance of ever talking to anyone who is of the same gender as someone. That's right, an XX. That's the chromosome thingie for 'em anyway. Female. Mazel Tov. Even if I did, I would never do anything with them, because it would ruin their life. Really. A guy can get away with that kind of thing, but a gal can't. Well, I guess if the husband really has no clue. But I won't get into that, because it would probably entail a virtual smack from other. But that really isn't the point, is it? The point is that aince nothing is going to happen anyway what's the problem with something happening? Get it? No? Well, think about it for a second. By the way, I'm sure that the rest of 1121 would like this whole blog thing. bye

Too bad

Terry Mulholland has beaten every team in the majors but one: the Detroit Tigers. He started the game tonight and pitched magnificently, but didn't get the win. Hopegully he can get it sometime else. It was amazing to see the 41 year old rubber arm throw 5 2/3 of one run ball, an that, I guess, should be good enough for me. Anyway though, the Twins won their fourth in a row. Unfortunately, those morons from Anaheim blew a big lead, and so the Twin slead in the Central remains at 2.5. Amazing; last week, they were 2 back. How things can change in a heartbeat, eh? Well, a rather long heart beat I guess. Perhaps of some giant dromedary. Or prhaps that's a swallow? Regardless, Lance is losing. Don't worry, he'll win. Have no fear. I sur edon't. I mean, why should I? No one really cares either way. bye

Whoa X2

Kyle Lohse? CG Shutout? Baby! It's funny, because his only wins this season have come against the Royals. Who cares though? I'll certainly take it. Man, 12-0 certainly is beautiful. Meanwhile, you go girl. Lance, I mean. Sure, he isn't actually a female, but he sure can be effeminine (sorry 'bout the bad spelling-I'm too lazy to check it) at times. Regardless, he totally rocks. Meanwhile, the Saints won again. As did the Brewers. Mazel Tov. bye

Wow!

Last time I came home the Twins were stinking. Now though they've shut out the Royals in back to back games, and I think I'll jump on the band-wagon again. Just kidding, I haven't been off since spring training in 2001. We beat the Red Sox that day 12-4 at Hammond stadium. At least I think that was the score. Regardless, right now I am loving Johan and Brad. So tommorow we throw our worst pitcher out there, but our offense should do the job. Meanwhile, Lance picked up two seconds which is nice. bye

Back again

more later. okay? Is that all right with you? good.